Zach just added me as a link on his blog, which is usually quite entertaining, so check him out.

I really wanted to start out my first post after being linked from his with something funny and witty, so anyone clicking on it wouldn't think this a complete waste of cyberspace, but unfortunately it just isn't going to work out that way. Pages like this can be used for a lot of different things from funny stories, to news about life, to ranting and raving and getting things off your chest, and this is kinda going to fall under that last category.

Mondays always suck. One of those trusims of life. But today had about the worst start yet. As I'm driving in to work and getting near an area where my cell signal usually sucks and goes out a lot, my dad calls. Which in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but his news floored me. My cousin Brooke was found dead this weekend of an apparent suicide. I'm just happy that I stayed on the road when I heard that.

Recently I hadn't been as close to her as I would have liked, especially with her living in Madison, but when you think about it, it's the kind of thing where you say "well, that's life. It gets busy, and I can catch up with her some other time or she can call me too." Well, that only works up to a point, and that point was some time last week. Last I saw her was a few years back, and she seemed to be doing pretty well. Had a good job and was happy with it. Talked with her parents daily, and other relatives a lot, and was just generally doing well. My dad told me that right up until the end she called her parents daily and there was no indication of anything wrong or bothering her. And I know, a lot of people won't tell their parents when things are bothering them, they just don't want to deal with the parental interference, or don't want to bother them with it, or whatever.

That's part of what really gets me on this. Being a parent now, what are things going to be like in 25 years? Will Renee feel like she can talk to me about anything? Will she tell me when she has problems? Will I have prepared her well enough to handle them when they come up? Because it's not if, it's when they come up. Nobody has a perfect life. And how do you deal with having to bury a child? I can't even imagine. Being a parent is normally such a joy, but every once in a while, it's enough to scare you more than you've ever thought possible, and now that's just been ratcheted up a notch.

And I know, the easy answer is you just do your best and hope that they learn well and adjust well to whatever life brings them. But that's a lot harder to accept when you see what can go wrong. I just pray that her parents can find some kind of peace soon.